God is the only one who I can talk to and not have to worry about being judged or criticized because of the way I feel. For so many years I've ignored my feelings because I was always told that I didn't have a right to an opinion, and people have treated me as if I didn't have a right to feel anything but just the good. Heck, some people just ignored the fact that I was human or that I even existed. These are the pains of the heart that plagues me and haunts me from time to time.
But I know Who to turn my attention to when I get like this...
Do you realize that everyday there is something in this world that threatens to undo you? It threatens your very existent of who you are as a person and a child of God's. Some of you may not have to wrestle with this fact, but I do.
I have not always been as confident in Christ and God as I am today and even sometimes today I question myself: And today is one of those days. Oh, I have no doubt that God loves me and is there for me. That's not the problem. The problem is, can I believe in myself, to believe God and trust Him when flesh is screaming at the top of its lungs, "No! No! No! I don't want to?"
The bible says that the flesh is contrary to the Spirit and the Spirit of God is contrary to the flesh. The flesh is an enemy to the Spirit of God and the soul of man is caught in the middle. It is the soul of "man" that we wrestle with. Okay, so it's me. It is my soul that I wrestle with a lot. I wrestle with myself on a very deep level because of what I know and believe to be true of God and Jesus.
It is the struggle that you don't hear much about from Christians. But for me, the struggle means everything to my testimony and for me to be a witness to the saving power of God and the gift of salvation through Jesus Christ. There is always a struggle and in my case I am not obliged to deny my struggle. I had denied it for way to long. Actually didn't even realize I was struggling until I found the true and living God.
So while many Christian say don't give in to the negative, for me if I don't get the negative out, I put myself in danger. I put my soul in danger as well as my spirit. But my flesh will be happy to oblige me in the stinking thinking that it suggest.
So today my prayer to God and conversation with Him was centered and focused on thanking Him for my salvation and what His Son did for me on the cross. See it all comes back to Jesus and the Cross He had to bare on my behalf. And this is what having a personal relationship with God and Jesus is all about.
When my days are hard, and the fighting gets fierce; when I don't have the strength or energy to fight anymore, I know I have a "God Who is Mighty to Save and that He loves me oh so much." And that my friends is enough to calm the tempest of the storm, and the winds that roar and thrash within my soul.
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. (1 Cor. 10:13 KJV)